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Since you got to know me through my Chi instead of Botox project, very few of you will know that I have been Psycho-kinesiologist am. 90% of my clients are women. Women have these wonderful qualities that are generally labelled as feminine - patience, empathy, adaptability. They scrutinise every move they make. They wonder how others will feel about it. And they find it difficult to go through with something that does not meet with understanding from others. The harmony of the whole is more important than the harmony of their own soul.

One of these wonderful women had just been left by her husband for another woman. While she has spent the last few months trying even harder to save the marriage, to accommodate him, to be considerate of him, he has decided in favour of another woman. For her, let's call her Eva, the world is falling apart. And what is the first thing she does? She questions herself and her appearance. After all, she will soon be 50.

Now let's take a closer look at the whole thing. The affection we feel towards a person is not a fixed quantity. It's more like a thermometer. Flexible and dependent on what is happening at the time. It can rise and fall depending on the energy of the other person.

What is important for a good partnership that will last and remain vibrant for years to come?

1. that they continue to be two independent individuals exists. This means that neither partner may give up themselves for the other, dissolve into them. Above all, this means that all both alive and know how to create a fulfilling life for themselves. The fact that they both have a good self-care and also take their own needs seriously. (This is the point where there is often a major imbalance that causes the relationship to falter. One person only looks after their own needs, while the other sacrifices themselves for the relationship or family).

2. a good Communication. This means that the other person knows what is happening inside me, that I allow them to share my inner self. And courage, also address unpleasant issues. Women in particular often find it very difficult to draw a healthy boundary, to say "no", to put up with unpleasant things from the other person. But if you avoid unpleasant topics, if you don't communicate what's bothering you, this increases the distance between the partners and makes the relationship feel increasingly lifeless. If you say yes when you mean no, you stop being perceptible to the other person. Our rough edges give us a profile

1. Image source: pixabay.com/pixel2013

 3 David Precht said in an interview Joint script called. This means that the ideas of a successful day or a successful life overlap to some extent. If one person is an action freak and the other appreciates cosiness, tensions are more likely to arise. However, this does not mean that the ideas have to match completely, but that there must be enough agreement for both to feel comfortable in the partnership.

4. a certain Frustration tolerance. A partnership always goes through Growing pains. If you have the stamina and courage to cross the valley in front of you, you will soon be standing with your partner on the next great mountain with a breathtaking view. This takes a lot of courage, because in partnership crises you look your own fears straight in the eye. It is important to understand that these crises are part of growth. If a partnership doesn't change, it will soon lose its vitality.

 5 Love takes time. Erich Fromm even describes love as an art. And just as practising art requires space and time, so does love. It needs time and silence so that we can feel each other and each other.

I make no claim to the completeness of this list, but see it as impulses from 13 years of practice as a psycho-kinesiologist. One thing is important to me here - none of the points say "wrinkles". Have you read anywhere that "wrinkles are the number one relationship killer"? Yes, Eva has become unattractive to her husband. But not because she will soon be 50. It's because she has neglected point 1 - her own vitality. She has given herself up for him, she has put the partnership above everything else, she has long since lost contact with herself, with her inner self, she is no longer authentic. And then you stop being perceptible to the other person. You are no longer recognised.

Do you know such cases? One partner decides to leave the other. The abandoned partner suffers like a dog. At some point, they regain their equilibrium and start a new life. Over time, he feels alive again and at the pulse of his own happiness. And suddenly the ex-partner is at the door and wants him back. I see this again and again with my clients. It also often shows up in constellations. What happens there? The person who has left has become attractive again because they have taken responsibility for their own happiness and are once again practising good self-care and ensuring their own life is vibrant.

Today's topic may surprise you and it even looks like I'm speaking against my own cause.

If wrinkles are so unimportant, why would anyone be interested in "Chi instead of Botox"? Well, it was never my intention to make money out of women's fears and insecurities. If you choose "Chi instead of Botox", it is because you care about yourself and because you have decided that this is part of good self-care for you. Because it gives you a piece of self-determination and independence.

Rest assured that partnerships don't break down because of looks, but because of lifelessness. Radiance is more important than lack of wrinkles. What makes you shine? When do you feel alive? What do you understand by self-care?