There's no good reason for bad sex

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Oooh, what thin ice! What is bad sex, what is good sex? Do I have good sex, or could it be better? What does she actually want to write about?

Well, I am concerned about statements made by some clients (in my psycho-kinesiological practice is spoken openly and honestly), from which a picture emerges for me that I would like to think about out loud.

As people today are busier than in the past, have more relationships and therefore more sexual partners, there are more opportunities for comparison. Whereas people used to lie next to the same person all their lives and could only guess how the others were doing it, today they bring more experience to the relationship. As a result, there are more and more courageous women asking for better sex. And unfortunately they are always fobbed off with the answer: "All the other women were satisfied."

That’s the answer when your current partner tries to give the new man a bit of guidance on what she likes and what she wants. We’re not talking about outlandish fantasies here, but about basics such as „gentler“, „longer foreplay“ and the like. If the man, feeling overwhelmed, says, „No one’s ever complained to me before“, that’s a real problem.

The question remains: were the others satisfied or silent?

Women often „hide“ from sex. They love their partner, but the circumstances do not allow for genuine desire. They go to lie with their child, stay up a bit longer on purpose, or send their partner away with the best of intentions, just to have some peace and quiet. Why? Because many women cannot express what they need. Our sex education is often technical or distorted by pornography, which only shows the male perspective. If a woman doesn’t understand her own body, she can’t communicate what it needs. She then quickly comes to believe that there is something wrong with her.

It’s time to be honest. Men need to realise that good sex requires knowledge and sensitivity – a genuine understanding of the female anatomy and a sense of presence. A woman can tell exactly whether you’re really „there“.

Image source: pixabay.com/pexels

Love yourself first

Good sex requires two people who feel comfortable in their own bodies. Sex is the art of being fully present and takes courage. Forget all that daft advice about sexy lingerie or candlelight if you’re still feeling tense inside. What’s the point of any of it if unspoken desires stand between you like a barrier? Truly exhilarating sex is about devotion, not technical perfection.

Studies show that women whose partners help out around the house feel more in the mood. That makes sense – respect is the best form of foreplay. Have the courage to talk about your needs, as these change over time. Take the pressure off. Focus on enjoying yourself, not on chasing an orgasm. Good sex develops just like a good conversation.

Silence creates distance. Don’t be „plain“ just to avoid offending the other person. Authenticity is the key to a vibrant relationship.

Book recommendations & resources

Listen to your instincts and steer clear of bad advice. Here are some books I can genuinely recommend:

• Diana Richardson: It captures femininity in all its power. A wonderful way to approach sexuality.
• Eva-Maria and Wolfram Zurhorst: The book *Soulsex* gets right to the heart of the dynamics in long-term relationships.

If you’re interested in communication, have a look at my video on „Couples“ conversations’: