Every woman should write her own story

Women are born extras in the film of other people's lives. For centuries, we were just the sidecar of the man, the children, the boss. A well-functioning household and care robot with a long-lasting battery that didn't need to be recharged.

Today we have the chance to play the lead role, and what do we do? We settle for a supporting role. After all, moving from an extra to a supporting role is a step up. But just because we’re always busy doesn’t mean we’re doing anything of real substance. Far too many women still shy away from what really matters.

Never good enough for the next step

We always feel that we are not yet good enough for the leading role. So we set out on a journey of self-discovery and self-development, in the hope of finding ourselves. Of recognising our path. To find our strength. And when we succeed, we shy away. When the door to our cage opens, we’re only too happy to slam it shut again ourselves. „I can’t, because…“ is one of the phrases I hear most often in my practice. We’re still afraid of our own strength.

Freedom is an inner attitude

Does a person automatically become free simply because they are granted freedom? Unfortunately not. Freedom is a skill, a talent, something that happens within us and has only a marginal connection with external circumstances. In theory, we are free to write our own story, to play the leading role in our own lives. This appeals to us, sparks our imagination – and at the same time, it frightens us and paralyses us.

The chip with the antediluvian programme

Somewhere deep inside us, there seems to be a chip that has been regularly updated since we were born – by sexist advertising, ridiculous portrayals of women in the media and outdated politics. Stored on this chip is the history of centuries of women’s oppression. If a woman manages to overcome her fear, the question inevitably arises: „Am I allowed to do this?“ We often feel as though we are taking something away from someone else when we claim our space.

The stuff women's fears are made of

In my work, I meet many women who keep themselves trapped in a cage that, in reality, has long since ceased to exist. Here are a few examples of how we hold ourselves back:

Andrea, Verena and Lisa

Andrea gives up her yoga teacher training because her husband isn’t keen on the idea. Verena remains stuck in a lifeless marriage for fear that people might think she’s mad if she breaks free. Lisa agrees to an open relationship, which she actually disapproves of, and wonders why SHE isn’t more flexible.

Anna, Gertrud and Iris

Anna plays the part of the career lawyer, even though she actually longs for a large family but feels ashamed of this. Gertrud loses touch with herself in order to please her husband. Iris has been stuck in a state of indecision for three years because she worries about what others might say if her self-employment venture were to fail.

Always remain reasonable

Women often believe it is noble to take a back seat. In reality, they are depriving the world of their energy. We all keep an eye on those around us and strive to remain „reasonable“. Day after day, vast amounts of originality and colour are lost in this way. Our daughters and granddaughters watch us doing this and learn what it means to be a woman.

Every woman should have her own story. I don’t want to be a role model of self-sacrifice for either my daughter or my son. Nobody should think that a woman has to sacrifice her own path for love.

We are the midwives of our dreams

Only we women can begin to take our inner voice seriously. We must grant ourselves the right to forge our own path. The fence has been torn down; the cage is gone. Freedom beckons, and it is full of untold stories.

One of them is yours. Show us which one it is!