The art of being a relaxed woman

There are two words that can thoroughly spoil one’s enjoyment of life. Whatever follows them is rarely anything pleasant. They are like weeds – no sooner have you pulled them up than they’re growing back again. The words are: „I should“.

The mental weeds of expectations

I recently planted a whole bunch of seedlings in the garden. A gardener’s joy lies in watching the delicate little plants grow. But weeds disrupt this idyll; they grow faster and more vigorously. It’s the same with those sentences that begin with „I should“. Sometimes I get the feeling they were invented especially for us women. We’re supposed to do so many things, do them as well as possible, and look good whilst doing them too.

The last few weeks have been demanding. As a mother of two and a sole trader, I try to do my best on all fronts. That’s not unusual, but it’s terribly exhausting. The other day, whilst out for a walk in the woods with my husband, I felt lighter with every step – until that mental weed broke through the blood-brain barrier: „I still need to reply to those emails.“

The never-ending cycle of „should“

No sooner had I banished that thought than the next ones sprang to mind: putting the leftovers in the fridge, transferring the money for the school trip, bringing the washing in, finalising the book proposal, booking the dentist’s appointment… My head was full of weeds in an instant. Gone was that tender little seed of relaxation.

Have you ever noticed that it never really ends? No matter how much you get done, the next „I should“ is already waiting in the wings. It’s like the dragon in the fairy tale: cut off one head, and two more grow back. It’s mad, because very few of these things are actually important. Those magical moments with loved ones, writing when the words just flow, laughing with friends – that’s what really matters.

Lessons from Africa: Living without artificial turmoil

As a child, I lived in Africa for a while, in the countryside, without clocks. My father was a development worker. None of the locals were stressed. They didn’t understand this artificial restlessness that we’d brought with us. They smiled and didn’t let anything rattle them. And yet the world didn’t come to an end.

The essential things in life are unspectacular: they are the present moment, the breath of a loved one, a smile. I am here. And at this very moment, I „should“ be nowhere else but right here.

Choosing life

Every now and then, I want to choose life. I choose to be kind to myself. I only have human strength, not superpowers. People who are always kind to everyone are often hard on the most important person: themselves. Life is a buffet, but we can’t stuff ourselves with everything. Every ‘yes’ is a ‘no’ to something else.

The trees in the forest simply stand there. They breathe in and out, letting the life force pulse through them. They don’t worry about tomorrow, nor do they dwell on yesterday. Perhaps it is precisely our brain that prevents us from being at peace with the present moment.

Today I’m just writing straight from the heart. Where everything is perfect, there’s no room for vitality. With that in mind, I wish you a few carefree moments of happiness. Don’t think so much that you forget to enjoy yourself. After all, the present moment is all you have.